MSNBC’s Ed Schultz last week actually suggested that CNN’s Anderson Cooper might have had something to do with him being named to GQ’s “The 25 Least Influential People Alive” list.
On Friday’s Anderson Cooper 360, the host nicely put the pathetic Schultz in his proper place – The RidicuList (video follows with transcript and absolutely no additional commentary necessary):
ANDERSON COOPER: Time now for “The RidicuList.” And tonight I’m sorry, but I’ve got to do it. Tonight, I’ve got to add a guy named Ed Schultz.
Now, before we begin, let me just say a few things. I think cable news feuds are stupid, and I think when TV anchors try to start feuds with other TV anchors, it’s usually a sign they’re worried about their own ratings and they’re trying everything they possibly can to get attention and boost said ratings.
So I wasn’t really surprised to hear that this guy Ed Schultz decided to suddenly take a shot at me the other day. Now, let me be honest. I don’t really know who Ed Schultz is. I think I met him once in passing years ago, but I have never actually seen his show. I’m told he yells a lot, and I know he works at MSNBC. And I know he’s moved around a lot in various time slots. That is it.
OK, also, in writing this today, I also found out that he makes a lot of inappropriate comments about other people that he then has to apologize for and/or get suspended for, like this one from his radio show.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
ED SCHULTZ, MSNBC: Do you know what they’re talking about, like this right-wing slut, what’s her name, Laura Ingraham? Yes she’s a talk slut.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
COOPER: Nice, yes.
So anyway, “GQ” magazine has apparently written a satirical list of the 25 least influential people alive, and Mr. Schultz made the list. “GQ” writes about him, in part, quote, “Do you watch ‘The Ed Show’ on MSNBC? Of course you don’t. No one does. The only reason people watch ‘The Ed Show’ is they’re working out in a hotel gym, and they can’t find a staff member to change the channel to ESPN.”
All right. Pretty snappy writing. Someone wrote that about me, I’d chuckle. I’d go back to watching “Breaking Bad” on Netflix. But that’s just me. Why anyone, anyone would care what someone says about them in a humor column in “GQ,” I cannot even begin to understand. But apparently, Mr. Schultz has a pretty thin skin for someone who goes around calling people sluts, because he thinks his inclusion on the list has to be some kind of conspiracy, a conspiracy between “GQ” and me.
The other day on his radio show he said this.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
SCHULTZ: I know that Anderson Cooper floats around in that “GQ” crowd. I don’t know if he’s behind it or whether there are publicists at CNN. But let me just say, I’m kicking his ass.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
COOPER: What? Here I am just living my life, doing my thing, and this person I don’t even know says this.
Now as for the kicking my ass part, I’m assuming he’s talking about ratings. And his statement on that can be easily debated. I’m going to spare you the minutia of ratings statistics with their demos and the households and the total viewers and what advertisement paid for. Trust me: nothing will make your eyes glaze over faster.
But I do take issue with the contention that I, quote, “float around in the ‘GQ’ crowd.” Frankly, I don’t know where the “GQ” crowd is. As for the idea that I somehow influence their editorial decisions on satirical end-of-the-year lists, well, that’s just silly. I mean, everyone knows I’m far too busy campaigning to get Gary Tuchman named next year’s sexiest man alive in “People” magazine. And you think that “Golf Digest” Best Putters of 2011 article is just going to write itself? I mean, the point is, my schedule is full.
Just for reference, let’s take a look at some of the other people who made “GQ’s” 25 least influential list. There’s Paul Reiser, Princess Beatrice, that guy who predicted the Rapture was going to happen this year, and Tila Tequila.
Now, I wasn’t going to say anything about Mr. Schultz’s odd outburst about me, because this is probably exactly the kind of thing that Ed Schultz lives for. But when you have less of a sense of humor than the end-of-the-world guy and show less logic and restraint than Tila Tequila, you just leave us no choice but to welcome both you and your ass kicking to “The RidicuList.”